resolution: zero.

I’ve been sitting here trying to write my 2012 resolutions.

I’ve been observing the people I follow on Twitter or Pinterest making pretty planners for all that will happen in 2012 and typing out spreadsheets with specific itineraries and checkpoints. Typically, I would be participating. I am an overachiever, and therefore tend to be ambitious with my New Year’s resolutions (all fifteen of them). I would be cataloging all the books I intend to read and creative or physical achievements I hope to accomplish, complete with color coded spreadsheets.

But this year, I’m not.

I’ve been staring at a blank Scrivener document for days. At least two days. I’ve written down things I hope to do, and then I have deleted them just as quickly. I have found myself unable to write anything after “My resolution this year is…”

I turned off the computer, and reflected on 2011. I had some serious ups and downs. 2011 was the year I ran my first 5k, cut all my hair off, decided to move to South Korea, didn’t eat meat for 10 months, wrote a novel, learned how to use oil paints, sold my car, found out what “laid-off” means, simplified, got a tomato tattoo, met a bunch of bloggers on a solo trip to Chicago, and officially moved in with Jared.

None of these things were carefully planned, or outlined. I didn’t plan on losing my job, in fact, at the beginning of 2011 had you asked me about work I probably would have assumed I would be doing the same thing in 2012. But I am not, and I am so much happier.

That’s when I realized: maybe this year my goal is to have no goals. Maybe I just need to let life happen and stop trying to plan. Maybe I need to finally take some time to focus on ME and making myself happy instead of trying to please everyone else.

The first day of 2012 has already been life-changing. I can feel new possibilities vibrating on the horizon. Of course, there are still things I want to do, and changes I want to make — and this doesn’t mean I won’t do them. It does mean, if it happens, it happens — no pressure, no stress, no spreadsheets.

So if we are going to toast the new year: Here’s to a year without resolutions or plans. Here’s to being undefined and imperfect. Here’s to less stress, relaxation, and doing what I want to for once. Here’s to you and me and happiness.